But then there is...

Have you ever felt like you were living somewhere between the past and future, but not the present? Like you are over your past, but haven’t completely aligned to your present, yet, still moving toward your future self?  That is the space in which I am dwelling right now. My circadian rhythm is all sorts of off, so not sure what my present is doing.  We can all say it’s because of this lingering pandemic and all the drama that has come along with it. I just don’t agree with that logic.
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Honestly, I am tired of everything being blamed on this pandemic. While, yes, it has thrown a bit of a monkey wrench into a few things. I will give you that. But really, is EVERYTHING the result of it? There have been issues brewing under the surface of this world for years. It just took one serious tragic action to bust the seams of an already fragile environment. You know… that one last cookie you ate before the button of your pants or shirt popped open. That last sip of liquor before it became too much. Yes. That is where we are. But…I digress.

How does this relate to my whole present being off? Well, as I see it, the past is a lot like skipping a rock in the water. While there have been impacts to the present, after the flow of time, those ripples get lost in the deep of the water. The future is still bright and vast and unscathed by the past action. This ultimately means, depending on the direction you chose, you are either riding a ripple in the present or you are already swimming into the vastness of your future. Make sense?  To me it does.

Somehow, I managed to get myself caught in a ripple heading to the expanse of my future. I know what my present situation tells me, but I believe that it has no bearing on my future.  Its like knowing what science tells you but believing in miracles. What will happen to your future if science proves right? What will happen if the miracles override the science? What then? How do you even operate in that?  And what if I believe in both?

That is where I believe all of us are. We are just afraid to admit it. You cannot have a future without the hope of moving past the effects of the past that has bound you. The past is fact. You can’t change that, but then there is a future you can imagine. There is sickness, but then there is healing that can take place. There is sadness, but then there is joy that comes when you least expect it. There is hope, but then there is the realization of your dreams. It’s the … but then there is…  that frightens me the most because what if it isn’t.
And that, my friends, is the space that I am in. A hopeful motivating place struggling to obtain the glorious future imagined before me. There in is my reality, but then there is my dream. I’m just waiting for my dreams to become my reality.

"Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” ~Mark 9: 24b