Confessions about...Addictions

I have a confession. I am addicted to shoes…and cake…and cookies…and obviously pizza. Now on the surface, this may look like nothing more than just a ‘cute’ occurrence of indulgence in sweets and awesome foot gear; however, my 'fixes' occur far too often for just a simple diagnosis. Let me give you an example. I had to get my cellphone reset due to some strange virus it caught. Hence, I had to wait a few minutes for the backup, reset, restart, etc. so, the phone tech sends me away for about 30 minutes.  There were a number of stores I could’ve walked in…grocery (as I had none), arts and crafts, clothing, and bookstore. It was all there. But, I found myself in a shoe store, on the prowl for my next shoe victim.  When I returned 30 minutes later, I had two pairs of shoes.  He said that he needed another 15 minutes; I left and came back with another bag.  He looked at me and said “I need a few more minutes, but I am afraid to send you back out.” These words reverberated through me at the time. This man hadn’t known me more than an hour, and already knew I had a problem! 
 
How many times do we frighten people with our excessive and compulsive behavior?  We use the excuse that, we couldn’t help ourselves, that we couldn’t control the want.  But isn’t that what drug addicts say?  Isn’t that what you hear cigarette smokers say?  Heck, isn’t that what coffee drinkers say? [WARNING: Do not mess with coffee drinkers prior to their first dose of the day; they will not be liable for the damages incurred]. ‘I have to have it.’ And ‘I can’t function without it’. The list goes on. We’ve seen and heard it way too often to pretend it doesn’t exist. But seriously, how did we get there?
 
In my humble opinion, addictions begin with a simple desire.  While longing for something in and of itself is not wrong, uncontrolled desire can become the synonym of disaster for you. For when desire does not have any rational or logical filter in your mind, it leads to greed and greed to addiction, and addiction to death – by the very same desire you let loose.  Maybe, it started out as a desire for true love, which led you to want relations with others, but none of them fulfilled the desire for true love, so in your search, you vicariously hopped from bed to bed to bed to bed because the moment of ‘love’ felt good to you and keeps feeling good to you, until the paperwork comes back positive for Herpes/HIV or some other incurable disease. The problem is…none of your actions fulfilled the desire for true love.

Does this sound familiar? If not, then replace the desire. I desire my mother’s attention, so I do everything to get her attention, good or bad, until I haven’t lived my life, I have lived the one she wanted (or disapproved of). Still not striking a cord…I want to like myself, so I only purchase expensive clothes and shoes to make myself look better, until I have accumulated more debt than I can afford. Or lastly, I want to be taller, so I only wear shoes that are three inches or higher, until I am required to have spine, neck, back, and knee surgeries. Simple desires should only require simple fixes. And those fixes always begin with the condition of your heart and the state of your mind. Choose you this day.
 
"We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking." ― Santosh Kalwar