Confessions about...Envy

I have a confession. I want to be someone else. Seriously, I want to have someone else’s body, someone else’s hair, someone else’s talent, someone else’s…the list goes on. It’s like the human version of ‘that’s my car’.  For those of us who know that game, you know the rules…you had to claim ‘your’ car before anyone else did, so you always had to be on the lookout for the shiniest and coolest car. You always arrived safely to your destination, yet you never ‘tagged’ the car you were riding in as the one you wanted. What was so wrong with the car that we didn’t want it? Better yet, what’s wrong with what we’ve got? Simply put, what’s wrong with me?
 
Well, if you were to ask me, personally, I would tell you what I don’t have. When I wake up in the morning, I don’t see the beauty I desire to be. I don’t see the love that’s freely shared with me.  I would tell you everything that I don’t see great about myself - my rubber thighs, messy hair, crazy job, and scattered brain. This is all part of being me. And sometimes, I really don’t like it. Instead of me working to transition myself to a better me, I fall depressed thinking of all the ways I am not. And I get stuck…dreaming of me as someone else, which is the essence of envy. We proverbially hate ourselves because we are not the people we seek after...we are the worst.
 
“You don’t know the costs for what you covet” a good friend always tells me. Everything that people have that I want, some sacrifice had to be made – good and/or bad. If I want to be what I envy, then maybe I need to make strides to be a better me: the best me. And maybe right now, I am the best me. I just need to find a way to be content with such that I have. And in order to be content with me, as I am, I need to really assess what I have. I have active legs to walk and move and dance. I have an active mind to think and execute and explore. I have a healthy heart to sustain activity. I have family and friends whom share a love bond with me. And these are just a few blessings I can name that turn my beat up ‘hooptie’ to the shiny new ‘whip’ everyone wants to ride in. So maybe, I’ll change my mind this month, and live out the best me. Hopefully, I’ll become my own favorite me and learn to love it. Now that’s my car!
 
Envy is a symptom of lack of appreciation of our own uniqueness and self-worth. Each of us has something to give that no one else has. –Author Unknown