Confessions About...Sex

I want to make a few confessions about my life and how un-easy it is (possibly because I make it difficult) in April. And what better way to begin any juicy avowal than with salacious thoughts! So here I go.

I have a confession. I constantly think about sex. Now, for men, that’s no big deal. For a women to openly admit it, especially to men or anyone in particular and not solely in a closed group of girlfriends is truly asking for trouble. But seriously, it’s true. It’s beyond hormones at this point. I have been celibate for two and a half years, but for some reason, instead of getting easier to sustain, it’s getting much harder. As bad as it sounds, sometimes, I find myself looking at men’s crouches and trying to guess their size. Other times, I fantasize about different positions that I have either tried or wanted to try but haven’t been given the right opportunity or the right package. Sometimes, the men don’t have faces…we're just bumping uglies. (Hey, I told you this was a confessional). Now granted, none of these thoughts will ever materialize, but my brain is on overload right now. I can’t listen to the radio because the music will just enhance my thoughts. I can’t watch TV because it will just plant more images in my already twisted mind. So what’s a girl to do?

I absolutely CANNOT call any male friend or old flame as I am assured they will miraculously appear at my door step with cock in hand (married or not), and I just don’t want that kind of drama in my life. I love Jesus and I have to live right. But oh God, living in these times today with such sexual freedoms makes it almost impossible to not want to be rubbed every now and again. What makes this issue even worse is that I know the risks of sex and have thankfully avoided the sourness of unplanned baby daddies and “I have an STD” phone calls. Yet still, I desire to taste the forbidden fruits of freaky bedroom behavior. Fortunately, and unfortunately, I am not willing to philander myself to fulfill these desires.  I still believe in love the right way. So what’s a girl do in the meantime?

Now some of my more liberated sisters would tell me to get a toy and have some fun. But, in my opinion, dildos, vibrators, et al are just temporary fixes (plus they hinder imagination) and will never work for me because of my other issue: I’m lazy. Why do all of that work yourself (clean up included), when you can get someone else to willingly (and freely) do all of it for you (cleaning included)? I work hard in every aspect of my life. That’s just one area that I believe I shouldn’t have to, and hence, also, probably another reason I am still single. Why should I have to put out for a few minutes (or a few hours if I get the right one) of some male’s attention? When I get it, I want it all, permanently. I should be the queen in that arena; to which my King caters. I believe that I am well deserving of it.  Therefore, until I’m married to a loving, caring, and faithfully committed man who is not afraid to actualize my libidinous desires (and a few of his own), it’ll just be me, Jesus, and my dirty mind.  Help me Lord.

“Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” ― Woody Allen