Off the Wall

Why is it that every great achievement is marred by some equally great pain/failure? It’s as if God doesn’t want you to enjoy the moment too much as you may forget that HE exists.  So, yes, I completed my marathon.  No more long runs. No more intestinal issues (I hope). No more “I gotta runs”. I am free. Well, at least I thought I was.  It seems that I haven’t lost ANY weight. WTF!  I ran for six and a half hours and I haven’t lost a pound in three months. And to add insult to injury, I feel like my family is falling apart. I don’t know what to do with my life now.  I feel so…disconnected.

In a world where we have instant access to just about everything, anywhere and at any time, we are so much more dispersed in mind and in heart.  Seriously, how can you really know someone through just text message and email? What can you glean from a phone conversation?  It’s as if people can create their character and still have none at all. It’s a ‘I am whatever I allow you to think I am’ mentality. And we stand against a wall or post or sit in a chair, glued to the screen, immersed in the fictional life of others and bypass the beauty each person can add to the world. Yet, I digress.

Not only is my body still in shock, my heart is suffering.  All of the love I received for my great achievement robbed my family of the one thing that tied us together.  And I am sad. Please say a prayer for me. Maybe this is God’s way of challenging my view – such that I am willing to believe in spite of my circumstances. Or maybe this is just the consequence of my daily sins rearing its ugly head.  Or maybe it’s not a burden for me to carry and I should let it go.  Then again, it could be all three…only God knows.

And if only God knows, then what can I really do about it? So, I’m asking God for the strength to continue this journey to wherever HE leads, reconnecting to HIS love, and HIS purpose for my life and leave my family in HIS capable hands. I’m leaving the wall that holds me hostage and keeps me bound to the fiction of what I now live. I’m leaping off so my wings have wind to soar and I can get back to me.

“Livin' Crazy That's The Only Way…Life Ain't So Bad At All If You Live It Off The Wall” ~ Michael Jackson