Why Did I Get Married? Part 2

This one is dedicated to all my single ladies! Yes. My single ladies. Because I was single much longer than I ever was in a relationship or married. I feel like sometimes, after I got married, that people just plainly forgot that I was single for five years before I met my husband, and then 12 years before that. During which time, I purchased multiple homes and cars, all by myself. I am fully self-sufficient. And it’s an extremely hard transition.

I recall on my wedding day, via Zoom, that my cousin asked what I prayed for that landed me in this position. I did not have an opportunity to answer her question, so here is my chance. During my younger single years (this was the over decade singleness), I despised it. I prayed to God about getting married. That I would be married to a particular person. Asked why he had not married me. And for 12 long years, I lived in pain because the man I wanted did not want me. It’s a hard pill to swallow, even now, that I wasted years praying to be loved. Asking God for love sounds crazy, right? Unfortunately, it is quite common. And more common than we would like to admit. I am assured there are several single women out there who can relate. We hope. We pray. We lay in wait, knowing… believing, that if we stay faithful, he will come around. That’s Bull $h*t. And we know it.

After meeting someone and dating them for another year, I realized, that it was not going to work. So back to the single bucket for me. I was discouraged. Hardened. And downright angry with God. Why would he withhold something good and righteous from me? Why would He ignore my request? What had I done so wrong that those who were out there doing whatever would receive the love I was longing for? It was so bad, that I would be angry and question how certain chicks got married and I didn’t. And in some respects, criticize in my mind, those queens because I did not have my own king. If I am real with myself, I was extremely jealous and angry with God. So, I told God about himself. That’s right, I am stupid enough to fight with God and I let Him have a good piece of my mind. Through some tears and Bible lessons, I just gave up praying for it (or anything at all for that matter).

I gave up praying for marriage and submitted to the fact that I would be alone for the rest of my life (and truthfully, so did my family). With my new single mindset (and a lot of reminding that God does answer prayer... just not the ones I want), I began to pray differently. I began to pray for my heart to heal from the hurt and anger. I began to pray God bless my friends and family members who desired marriage to be married. I began to pray for God to guide me. I became more loving, more forgiving, and let a lot of ‘things’ roll off my shoulders. This time, while I prayed, I planned to build a legacy for me. Started paying off debt, prepping for a place to keep my parents as they age, traveling places I dreamed of, and doing whatever I set my mind to do – literally gave up on marriage to plan my later years living as a spinster.

Amid all my spinster planning, here comes my love – all random. I wasn’t even paying attention. A month after we met, we were inseparable. I didn’t force it or pray for marriage. I prayed that he would become the man God wanted him to be. I prayed that God would bless him and help him accomplish his dreams. And would you guess… I prayed myself right into the plan God had for him. Hence, my journey to marriage meant that I earnestly prayed for my healing, prayed for my friends, prayed for my family, prayed for my co-workers, prayed for God’s plan, and worked towards building a space for my future. The point is, you have to focus on building yourself and in your building, pray for those in your space. This life is not meant for selfish gain or desires, but love that makes space for others to be loved. 

" All the single ladies, all the single ladies. All the single ladies, all the single ladies. All the single ladies, all the single ladies. All the single ladies. Now put your hands up! " ~ Beyoncé